Cancellation

I was woken up by a ringing telephone. My hangover penetrated my skull mercilessly. My hands felt for the vibrations of the ringing phone in the gloom of reluctant eyelids.

"Good Morning" Somehow my voice sounded bright.

"Good Morning, Flavio mate, how are you?" I recognised the policy-led concern and followed procedure.

"I'm good, good... how can I help you?" I could have said 'just tell me what you want' but it didn't seem to matter.

"Well, pal, I've got some bad news, buddy: You've been cancelled, I'm afraid, my friend" the voice gave me the sense of being patted on the back reassuringly.

"This comes as something of a relief" Came my honest reply, my voice continuing its chirpy song, utterly disembodied from the throb of my head and dulled stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. "So is that it?" I asked.

"Yes, buddy, you're cancelled, hereby and forthwith..." the voice gave a little chuckle.

The situation began to become more clear to me. "But... who will I become?" I asked, guardedly.

"That's not really my problem, buddy" confessed the voice "and perhaps if you'd thought of that before now this wouldn't be happening" he suggested.

I began to ponder the situation a little deeper; "Wait, can you even do this?" I speculated "I am after all a sovereign individual, my psychology the result of my upbringing and genetics and the choices I myself have made throughout my life all mashing together in, errr" I lost my thread and gaped at air. "I'm sorry, its a bit early for this" I concluded, but the voice had already interrupted

"I'm afraid we can, Flav pal; we just think that your current personality, with respect to past facts and possible future changes, would not reflect well on the world. Its not that we think you're worthless, its just that we don't want to invest time in the existence of you per se, when ultimately the kind of success we're looking for seems really very unlikely; sorry pal" I felt numb, which was an improvement on the hangover who's reign of torture on mind and body had ended with a sudden lightness in my heart. Then the walls, that before were simply spinning slightly, began to undulate like the sea and I could feel myself emptying out of rivulets extending from my fingertips and heels; my proboscis and mouth. They were forming pools on my bed covers, contaminated by a darkness that looked like memories and, as they sank away into nothingness, the darkness was left in stains that were gigantic in the morning sun. My mouth made the noise of a tube train squealing to a halt as the cars all crush together.

"That's right, buddy, just let yourself go" coaxed the voice as the phone slipped noiselessly away from my hands and tiny delicate insects crawled from my ears, tickling the earlobe comfortingly as they took off. I enjoyed this sudden concert of sensation that had seemed impossible only seconds before. Running samples of time rusted self-defining irrelevancy trooped before my eyes - an iron toy train with fucked batteries spewing corrosive liquid from its belly became consumed in flames of black, their cold heat paralysing old dreams into waking - I became a vine, then one legged, then I danced naked for the entertainment of hundreds and the sky was swallowing swallowing me whole; the sun seemed to hammer at my face; birds played crazed games on my chest; the whole morning, gleeful in its retribution for my wasting existence, began a song I had heard a thousand times and could never play or sing, though its melody and harmony were so perfect I was calmed and soothed to repose in the nothing that had happened - and Nothing had happened. I was Cancelled.