Personal Highlights from #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

American satirist Stephen Colbert initiated the #notintendedtobeafactualstatement hash tag last week, after Senator John Kyle was called for lying on the Senate floor. Kyle stated, with a straight face, that "Well over 90% of what Planned Parenthood does is abortion services". When it was pointed out by reporters and fellow senators that, in fact, 3% of Planned Parenthood's services pertain to abortion, his office released the following statement:

"Senator Kyle did not intend it as a factual statement."

Twitter fun ensued, which I confess I joined rather late. I thought, seeing as I spent an inordinate amount of time writing under this hash tag, I'd compile a list of my own personal highlights. The point, I suppose, is that Senator Kyle's statements seem to have as much truth content as any written under the hashtag. Be warned: all of the following are not intended to be factual statements:

Jon Kyl refuses to accept his own mortality

Jon Kyl is being reintroduced into the North Pacific in the hope of repopulating the species

Well over 90% of Jon Kyl's votes have been for enforcing pedophile's access to children

Jon Kyl solves Panda breeding problem; tests reveal cubs to be "well over 90% Kyl"

Jon Kyl backs "firing orphans into space" as it "Lowers tax burden" and is "rad"

Jon Kyl can expand and provide flotation in the event of a sea landing

Well over 90% of the legislation Jon Kyl sponsors is intended to encourage clowns to commit arson

Leaving Jon Kyl on standby accounts for well over 90% of America's electricity usage

Jon Kyl spends 90% of his time being read the same Dr Zeus story by a string of exasperated interns

Jon Kyl works out every morning by bench-pressing Paul Ryan 86 times to the tune of "Eye of the Tiger"

My personal favourite:

Well over 90% of Jon Kyl's expenses claim is for hookers and cocaine