My current default Covering Letter

Hi,

I'm a recent-ish graduate in Philosophy, Religion and Ethics - meaning that I learned exactly how wrong most people in the world are most of the time. During the course of my degree I got used to pointing out the inconsistencies, the small-mindedness and the ignorance of theologians, philosophers and other hacks. The truth is; you just don't get to obnoxiously correct people when working in god-forsaken telesales jobs and I miss the thrill.

I'm sure you can understand the boredom that my once vivacious mind has suffered in the last two years and I would be eternally grateful if you could give a guy a break. I hope you realise that, in the two years since I graduated, it has been a terrible job market for non-sales focussed, non-money minded human beings who value their dignity.

If you have work experience positions, internships (I'm fuzzy on the difference) or some sort of paid position you think me suitable for then why not call me? If for no other reason than to see me yammer at you while getting a funny rash of white spots on red skin, as I do tend to get when I get nervous/think about money. This is a shame, because I am generally well-presented.

In my abundant spare time (I like to just call it 'time' for convenience sake) I listen to, write and perform music, read and write articles, reviews and letters, watch sports and go for walks, runs and swims as well as playing tennis and wasting inordinate amounts of time watching stupid videos on the internet. My friends know me as an eccentric but reliable chap who can do a passable impression of a man of wit and confidence, hence I have officiated as Best Man at two weddings.

Please find attached my CV and a song about God,
I do hope you have a good day,
Yours,
Lot